So I have been reading this great book that a wonderful friend gave me. It's called, Mama's Got a Fake ID, by Caryn Dhalstrand. The funny thing is, I got it over a year ago during my own identity crisis, but when I was given this book I felt like how can this help me? I never saw myself as thee self-help type but sometimes the answers to our problems are already written out for us, we just have to take the time to read them. In her book she writes about the person we were made to be and how being our selves helps our kids to be themselves.
I've blogged before about the loss of my identity but here is a recap:
I was a successful merchandiser working for a large clothing company. I had people who worked for me and customers who bought what I created. I was a jewelry designer and was working on music videos as a stylist. I had just been offered a merchandising position on Lexington Ave in NYC. I was your typical 29 year old career driven childless woman or at least that's what I thought I was.
Then we decided we wanted to be parents (something I thought I would never be.) and 9 months later the dang cutest little boy was born. During my pregnancy I had 9 months to deal with my changing body but the day my boy was born I was instantly a Mom. People would address me as Mom, Momma, Mommy but the artist that I was, the boss and person yesterday seemed to vanish over night. Hmm....I know I'm sounding a bit silly but I had felt so self assured of who I was up until that point and now I felt lost. Over the course of 7-9 months I tried to fit the Mom mold. I felt I had to dress down and wear stuff that was play-date casual.
Here I was at home alone, abandoned by friends and having to answer to this baby 24-7 without a break. Jump ahead to the end of that time frame and I was slowly gaining myself back. It started with blogging on Facebook and re-entering the fashion world. With a new found desire not to fade away again, I began to let others see me for me and not what I thought I was supposed to be.
I'm sure I am not the only woman who has gone through a dramatic life change and felt this way. Over the course of this past year I have had conversations with other Moms who have either felt this way or have just excepted their new role as it is. One Mom told me a story about how she had been at a BBQ and was talking with a group of 20-30 somethings about kids. She said the group almost unanimously felt they would never have kids. She had said to me that this was so sad but I could completely understand their 20-30 somethings thinking. I had been there I was that 20-30 "never gonna have a kid" women.
Having a child is what our bodies naturally want to do but it was my fears and lackluster Moms that kept me frozen for so long. I would be the first to tell you after I stopped being the "mom" I thought I had to be and became the mom I am, everything else fell into place. I do believe we are given gifts and for some it's being just a great Mom and that's cool but for you all who are like me and want to be seen for all your gifts I say go for it.
My kid is a happy, healthy unique individual. I am a happy, healthy, unique individual too and feel so blessed to be gifted.
I am a Mom but so much more. So hear me roar or whisper depending on if its nap time :) XOXO Ksaintp
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